Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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