Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the day after is always just damage control
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
