i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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