yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
