A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
