dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
