I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
