Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
