I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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