i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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