sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
