We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
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