mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize