All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize