her vagina looked like bernie madoff
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
