just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
