Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
