Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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