What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
