why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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