i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated