when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator