The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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