what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.