The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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