I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there