New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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