I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
