I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
