oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
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this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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