Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
MIDGETS
????
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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