"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
