I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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