So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
