Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
