Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
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the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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