Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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