I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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