Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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