Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
