I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
