his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
