If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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