Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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