need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
