Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
