Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
