just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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