Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
