she was so not down for the gang bang
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Acid is not a monday night drug
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
