he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
