Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
