She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
