Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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