I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
