I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
