I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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