M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Randomize
