u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize