i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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