so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
