I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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