Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
