I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
