Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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