dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
