and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
