They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
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I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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