right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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