Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
