Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
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That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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