Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
