I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
