Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize