the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
