I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
