I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
