I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
