guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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