I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
