i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
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I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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