these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
