god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
