I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
