The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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