maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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