you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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