wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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