Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
