broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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