ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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