i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
time to smoke my breakfast
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
